


irreversible

by tangentiallly



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pre-Canon, i was going to write e/o but as soon as i started i know it's going to be e/b, post-opera night, vaguely attemped seduction, vfd shadiness from both sides
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29727621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangentiallly/pseuds/tangentiallly
Summary: one bad decision leads to another, or so the story goes.
Relationships: Bertrand Baudelaire/Ernest Denouement, Ernest Denouement & Count Olaf, Ernest Denouement & Frank Denouement
Kudos: 4





	irreversible

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i don't own ASOUE

His mission instructions were simple enough. Convince the target to their side. The target already was feeling disillusioned with VFD, and would not need much convincing. The timing was also good - the target’s parents had just been assassinated by VFD. Present the easy, the appealing, the perfect choice of switching sides - and reap the rewards. Comfort the target. A little seduction, sweet talking, if necessary.

He supposed he’s not exactly surprised that his supervisors had eyes on the target. Volatile and full of potential and bitterness waiting to erupt. And now they’re moving in, at the perfect timing.

And they asked him to do it.

It’s not as if he could say “my sort-of boyfriend might have some objections to this”, especially if the said sort-of boyfriend was a _volunteer_. Technically, they’re not really together, and they’re hardly exclusive. Plus, if it’s for a mission, then this technically didn’t count as cheating either. Plus, seduction might not be needed, when it came down to it. Maybe a few words of comfort or promises for revenge would be enough. He might not actually need to do anything _seducing_.

The smart thing to do would to be not let anyone know, don’t consult anyone with this, and just go ahead and complete the mission. There was really no moral quandaries, he told himself. It’s not cheating, not really, not at all.

The stupid thing to do would be to actually bring this up, allowing himself to be guilt into sabotaging his own mission and risking his own standing, risking the wrath of his supervisors, risking the safety of the hotel.

It should’ve been an easy choice.

And then, he did the stupid thing.

* * *

“I’m sorry, what?” Bertrand said flatly.

Ernest winced defensively. “We’re not actually exclusive,” he reminded him.

“This isn’t about that.”

Ernest folded his arms across his chest. “Oh really?”

Bertrand was silent for a moment. “Look, you didn’t _have_ to tell me this. So I assume that since you did, you actually want me to talk you _out_ of it.”

Ernest laughed sharply. “You assume incorrectly, darling. This is a mission. I don’t have the option of just saying no. It doesn’t work like that.”

“Funny how you left VFD because you think it’s too controlling and now you’re on a side where you can’t choose to opt out your missions,” Bertrand gave him a pointed look.

“Yes, hilarious, I’m sure,” Ernest retorted. “Just the comedy of the century. But that’s neither here nor there, plus that’s not the only reason I left, so let’s not get into that.”

“Fine.” A pause. “So why did you tell me then?”

“Thought I’d go for honesty here.” He shrugged. “If you would prefer I lie to you, I am willing to tell you now that I won’t do the mission, and just do it secretly.”

“.... I can’t very well pretend I don’t know after all that you just told me, can I?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I thought you’re rather good at pretending when necessary.”

Bertrand scowled. “Do you even want to do this?”

“I think we’ve established that what I want doesn’t really matter. But for the record, I _do_ want to stay in good graces with my supervisors, keep my standing so I can maintain certain amount of leverage whenever I need, which all lead back to completing this mission successfully.”

“Look, E ...”

Ernest arched an eyebrow. “What?”

“Seduce whoever you want, I can’t control what you do, but do you think you can live with yourself if you succeeded and he joined your side and eventually commit arson and other crimes? He’s not just going to be working within the hotel like you are, he’ll be out there, doing their bidding, he could be volatile. And don’t say that won’t happen, there’s a reason your _supervisors_ want him, a reason that they selected him.”

Ernest stared, incredulous. “Can I live with myself if I have a hand in making him switch sides and can I be responsible for the crimes he may very likely commit one day? Are you fucking _kidding_ me? After _la Forza del Destino_? Sweetheart, if that ends up happening, you’ll have more hand in it than I ever will.”

Bertrand stilled.

“Yeah, I know about that night,” Ernest pressed on. “Do you really think I _wouldn’t_?”

“I need to go,” Bertrand said abruptly.

Ernest smiled, unpleasantly. “Door’s right there, darling.”

* * *

Olaf was on his fourth drink (he probably wasn’t counting but Ernest sure was), while talking loudly into the phone. It’s broad daylight, so the hotel bar was quite empty. By this point, Ernest had heard several different iterations of “Call me back, Kit”, and “that Beatrice had betrayed me, if she told you anything don’t believe her, you need to hear my side of the story” and many different ways of condemning Beatrice to conclude that Olaf primarily thought Beatrice was the mastermind behind that night. Whether he knew about Bertrand was unclear, but it seemed he did not know Kit Snicket’s involvement.

Or he was just in denial, Ernest supposed he couldn’t rule that out.

Ernest remembered his early fight with Bertrand at his office, and grimaced. He dug out a name card from his pocket and then began mixing a drink.

Two minutes later, he slid the drink across to Olaf, along with the name card of his supervisor. “This one’s on me,” he said lightly.

Olaf looked at him, blinked, and then looked at the name card like it was some kind of indecipherable mystery. “This your menu? I’d like to order some roast beef.”

“Not menu, no,” Ernest said calmly. “But a contact of mine who could help you out of your troubles. Get your revenge on Beatrice.”

Olaf’s eyes lit up brightly. “Revenge on Beatrice!” He exclaimed, raising the glass. “I’ll drink to that, mate.”

Ernest smiled. “Cheers.”

* * *

* * *

_attachment file 1:_

He talked to the only person he could talked about it to.

“If a name card was all it took,” Frank said reasonably. “Then you’ve hardly played a part. He’ll do it either way.”

“But I presented him the opportunity.”

“If it’s not you, it’ll be someone else.” Frank shrugged. “They wanted him, didn’t you say? They’ll send someone else, if you refused. Or he would’ve sought them out himself. The existence of your side is not a _secret_. In the grander scheme of things, your role doesn’t matter.”

“Ouch.”

“It is what it is.”

Miraculously, his brother’s dismissive attitude made him feel much better.

* * *

_attachment file 2:_

Funnily enough, they didn’t break up. They didn’t talk about it again either, burying the subject once and for all without even agreeing out loud to bury it.

He kissed him, and he reciprocated.

He wasn’t sure if this was anticlimactic, or just calm before the storm.

* * *

_attachment file 3:_

“I don’t even want to imagine what he would’ve done if I actually did make a difference.”

“Try to seduce me, maybe.”

Ernest choked. “You’re not funny.” He said, accusingly.

Frank shrugged. “We should get back to work.”

**Author's Note:**

> [come say hi on tumblr](https://beatricebidelaire.tumblr.com)


End file.
